This disclaimer applies to me, aka “realMattToomer,” and to anyone else who has chosen to link to it, stating that it applies to them as well.

There is no right not to be offended. Everyone has a right to express their thoughts and feelings freely, and no one has the right to silence the author. If you’re offended, that’s on you, not me. Whether it’s Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Gab, Tinder, or Minds, this applies universally across any platform.

All opinions expressed here are my own, and I’m entitled to them. While I am affiliated with many things (as we all are), every post you see from me has either come from my brain or been borrowed from someone else. However, these opinions do not represent any affiliations, organizations, or even necessarily myself at all times.

Some posts may seem threatening. They aren’t. I’m not violent—quite the opposite. For instance, if I tweet, “We’re out of milk in the office. There are going to be #riots in London today,” it’s a joke, not a literal call for civil unrest. No need to clutch your pearls.

Occasionally, I’ll quote something like, “ANY OF YOU F*CKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I’LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHER-F*CKING LAST ONE OF YOU,” a line from *Pulp Fiction*. This is just me expressing my appreciation for a great film, not issuing any real threats. Please use common sense before panicking.

Links I share typically lead to third-party sites. I’m not responsible for what you find there, so take up any issues with the webmaster, not me. Links could be anything. Proceed with caution. Photos I share are usually my own, though sometimes they aren’t. The same goes for other forms of media. Ownership depends on the post, but either way, it could be anything.

I retweet stuff that I find amusing, factual, or interesting. If you don’t feel the same way, that’s your opinion, but I don’t care. A retweet isn’t my own creation, so if you have issues, talk to the original poster. The rest of this disclaimer applies to retweets.

When I reply to someone, it’s usually just for them. Mentions, however, may have a broader audience in mind. Regardless, all previous points still apply to any replies or mentions I make.

Occasionally, I participate in #FollowFriday, suggesting accounts to follow. Just because I recommend someone doesn’t mean I endorse their views. Follow them or don’t; that’s up to you. I’m not responsible for anyone else’s tweets.

All of my posts could easily be interpreted as jokes, metaphors, or similes. Seriously, none of them are to be taken too literally.

I block people for valid reasons: aggression, threats, a love of mushrooms or Marmite, or an inability to respect differing opinions. If I block you, that’s my choice, and it’s final.

If you’re offended by something I’ve posted, feel free to unfollow or block me. Please don’t play the victim—it’s neither clever nor attractive. I’m not interested in having a debate with you about it. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, and they don’t have to align.

If you want to reuse this disclaimer, go ahead. If you want to modify it, feel free. If you’d like to link to it and claim it applies to you as well, be my guest. Want a shoutout for using it? Just ask.